You can't special order awesome
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize