I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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