its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
