I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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