I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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