Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
