John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
