What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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