I just threw up on my dentist
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
