I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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