I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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