I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
