NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
