He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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