i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
