So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
