I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize