Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
