Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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