Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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