Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
