thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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