I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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