My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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