If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
