She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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