Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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