Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
