one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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