playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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