Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
