Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you would pick up someone in the library
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
