In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize