yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
