So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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