I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
