i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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