Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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