Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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