dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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