the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
