mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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