Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this just has baby written all over it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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