Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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