I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
