but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED