Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar