Can i not drive my cunt home
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️