____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
