I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
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Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.