So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
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Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell