He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.