Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
