he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
