I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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