yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
