What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.