wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.