First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.