I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes