can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
