You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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