my sisters under your porch take her home
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
