I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
