someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
