I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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