so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
