My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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