i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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