Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
