mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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